Gays Didn’t Kill Marriage, Divorce Did



Recently, French iconoclast Dominique Venner blew his head off inside the Cathedral of Notre Dame to protest gay marriage. Venner is a hero who fought in the Algerian War as a teenager and ransacked the French Communist Party’s office when he was 21. Like the face of the anarchist movement Guy Fawkes, Venner is a martyr who died defending Catholicism.

As a reformed atheist who recently rediscovered his Catholic roots, I’m inclined to agree with Venner. Unfortunately, marriage died long before homosexuals got involved. Divorce is what killed it.

When gay marriage first began to take over all political discourse I called bullshit because I could tell they were using it as a venue to showcase their rights and they didn’t really want to get married. When pressed for reasons why such a polygamous demographic with so few kids would want to get married, they brought up bizarre scenarios such as a lesbian who wasn’t allowed to visit her sick girlfriend once and some bullshit about health benefits.

As usual, the libertarians seemed to be the only sane ones in the fight. They kept calm and asked: If two consenting adults are in love, why shouldn’t they be allowed to get married? Venner’s response would be, “Marriage is the union between a man and a woman for procreation. If we remove the difference of sex and procreation, nothing remains except love, which can evaporate.” Few stood behind Venner’s definition because they lack the conviction to stick around when the going gets tough in their own lives. Gay marriage wins because straight marriage loses and straight marriage loses because the Me Generation ruined it.

Glenn Beck was against gay marriage but recently came around and said he approved of it in “principle.” Bill O’Reilly says he thinks there is a “compelling argument” for gay marriage and calls the opponents “Bible thumpers.” Rush Limbaugh took umbrage with that quote but admits the debate is already over and the gays have won.

They won me over, too, and it was because of wimps such as Glenn and Bill and Rush. My peers are the children of divorce and I’ve seen it permanently scar almost all of them. Both Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly have been divorced. Rush Limbaugh has done it three times. You can’t be sanctimonious about marriage when you’re on your fourth. You can’t keep quitting your job while lecturing us about how important jobs are.

A few generations ago, there was no concept of “self.” You went to work and busted your ass so your kids (the baby boomers) could have the education you never had. Today, those kids are in their 60s, and the few that are grandparents don’t like being called that because it makes them feel old. They make up alternative titles for themselves like “Baba” and “Zubi.” (My friend Sid fought back by insisting his kids refer to grandma as GRANDzubi.)

I heard that when a plant is about to die, it may use its last burst of energy to produce more seeds. The same has been said about animals in danger. They tend to produce more female offspring as a desperate attempt to continue the species. This is what we have been forced to do with marriage. That means yes polygamists, we need you too. You shouldn’t be allowed to marry anyone under 18 but there is nothing in the argument for gay marriage that cannot be equally applied to polygamists. For all the politicians and pundits telling us how sacred marriage is, it’s not easy finding one who hasn’t flushed it down the toilet at least once. Pat Robertson and Pat Buchanan are the only two I can think of right now.

American Indians are very touchy about their culture and are turned off by white sycophants who want to get involved. My wife’s tribe is down to about 3,000 people, but my argument is that beggars can’t be choosers. Let whites come to powwows and take all the pictures they want. Let them learn the language. If a culture is in danger of becoming extinct, lower the bar on membership. We live in a culture where divorce is all but applauded, so we should make it easier to get married. Boomer selfishness damaged marriage beyond repair and if someone wants to come in and breathe some life into it, then by all means, breathe.

Here in New York, comedian Louis CK is a God. He divorced his wife when his youngest kid was three years old, but he still jokes onstage about how awesome divorce is and what a great dad he is now that he has half the week to himself. That’s not a great dad. That’s a half a dad. Why did he have a kid if he only had three years of marriage left in him? When you get divorced, you’re telling your kids that the love that created them was a myth. The media empowers single moms, and while children of divorce will tell you it’s no big deal, that’s not what I see. As I scroll through the contacts on my phone, I see almost nothing but children of divorce who will die childless. I can only find about five friends from college and high school who have families. The rest don’t want anything to do with it. In that sense, the baby boomers’ flippant attitude toward marriage has led to a kind of invisible genocide.

People don’t want to criticize divorce in America because they’ve either done it, are about to do it, or love a parent who did it. Today a man can marry a woman, knock her up, and leave a couple years later citing excuses like, “I wasn’t happy” or “We fell out of love.” Ann Coulter describes this as a form of child abuse. Who has time for emotions when they’re raising children? I have three kids right now and barely have time to brush my teeth. Having kids is like moving to China. You can’t go, “Ew, it’s way too Chinese here” and move back when winter hits. You have to dig in your heels, learn the language, and make it work.



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