Archive for October, 2011


October 16, 2011

Hey Dr. Octopus, my son and I were just watching a cartoon of you. In this episode, you spent “months” masterminding a plan to steal a five million dollar ruby. Months? Five million dollars? Why the fuck does Kool Keith like you so much? You are an IDIOT. Look behind you. See those eight robotic arms you invented? Patent them. The construction and military contracts alone would make five million dollars look like a kooky weekend in Rio.

How could you not know that? Is patenting your invention not evil enough? Fine, take the money you make and use it for evil. Take over some African country and I don’t know, use human beings for drug testing or some shit like Kim Jong-il does. There. You just made another $100 billion.

Honestly, watching you on TV this morning struggle like hell and get your ass kicked by a guy with radioactive blood had me shaking my head in disbelief. You’re like T.I. bragging that he’s “Worth a couple hundred grand.” So’s a kindergarten teacher, jackass.

The only possible explanation I can think of is you like fighting Spider-Man because you like being with him. That’s gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it is. I suggest you give up this whole mastermind villain thing because you’re less intimidating than a high school bully and you can’t seem to handle 9th grade math.