You’re Still You… Just Slightly Different!

by

by Greyman (not Julius)

It is Christmas Eve 2010 and my only daughter is now six months old.

This year has been a big change for my wife and I. Prior to the birth of our daughter we were winging off weekly to this destination or that. Checking luggage? Hell no! We were the ones standing at security chewing out the infrequent travelers for not knowing to pull out their bag of hygiene items or remove their laptop from the case. “Hurry up infrequent travelers! We’re got places to go!”

Prior to my daughter my wife and I would sleep late. We would have breakfast for hours while arguing over the issues in the newspaper that day. We could go where we pleased and do what we wanted. WE ate out all the time at semi-fancy restaurants.

Enter stage left: Daughter (1).

Now we actually have to check bags when we travel. Now we board the plane early because we need “special assistance” to fit the car seat into the plane seat. Now our social schedule begins as soon as our daughter finishes a bottle — three to four hours of near-freedom start as soon as the last swallow of formula is complete.

Needless to say there have been changes.

As I went along this path I realized four months into it that I (we actually) had lost a few things that made us, us.

For me prior to my daughter’s birth I really enjoyed working out. For six month I have tried to find a way to balance my work, my family, and my need for physical fitness. I have finally figured it out and I feel as though a small part of me that lay dormant since my daughter’s birth has returned and I am ecstatic.

For my wife and I, our relationship turned from deep philosophical discussions into a series of one liners that made us seem more like battle buddies than a married couple: “You take her.” “I’ll take her.” “I fed her.” “You feed her.” “She needs changing.” “I just changed her.” “She’s up.” “She’s sleeping. “You get her.” “I got her.” “Heat a bottle please.” etc…

So with all of this blithering what is my point?

My point is though you have a new child you need to find time to do the things you once did both as an individual and as a couple — do this and your sanity will return.

If you are reading this, and you are a parent, when is the last time you took your wife on a date? I mean a no-shit get dressed up nice, get a car service, dine at a restaurant that requires reservations, eat a meal of several courses while talking about adult stuff that doesn’t have to do with your kid?

If you can’t answer this question you need to get a babysitter, make a plan, and execute! She’s your wife dude! Go treat her like you did while trying to woo her on your first date.

If you are reading this, and you are a parent, when is the last time you did something totally selfish that you and only you enjoy?

If you can’t answer this question you need to figure out an activity that will make you happy, take your mind off the world for a few hours, and execute!

At the end of the day once you have a kid you are still you… Just slightly different! Remember who you once were, remember what it was like when you were dating, make a plan, and balance those social things the best you can with your new found parent-ness.

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2 Responses to “You’re Still You… Just Slightly Different!”

  1. Krissen Says:

    Wisdom.

    I still make time to do the things I enjoyed doing before we had our first kid – like sneaking out of the house while my wife is asleep so that I can fuck my ex-girlfriend.

    I find it helps to keep me centered and our relationship fresh.

  2. writerdood Says:

    Totally selfish? I play video games and write. That’s about it. Most of the time I’m with the kids. As for a date, once a year we go out on our anniversary. It would be cool to do more often, but the kids always want to come along, and we feel guilty about not taking them wherever it is we’re going, so a typical “date” night means hauling them to a kid movie.

    It’s a good thing I like cartoons.

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