Dad Homies Day

by

On the cusp of my 9th annual Father’s Day, I stand humbled and defiant. Humbled that I actually have the fortunate privilege to actually celebrate such a day–as contrived and commercial as it is–with an awesome kid who blows my mind each and every day. Likewise it is my pleasure to know some fathers from the same academy.

My defiance stems from a stubborn belief that a selfish, prickly, son-of-a-bitch whore like myself can still be a “World’s Best Father” (like the mug says) without turning into what amounts to being a second mother; all hovering, overprotective, and weepy over inconsequential shit like broken bones. You’ve seen the type and you imagine slugging them in their soft, meaty lips.

At the other anchor, I couldn’t ever imagine being a weak ass weekend dad, a Blackberry dad, or an out of the picture dad like my own. Deadbeats get the fuck lost because we have no tolerance for you or your weaknesses. Go find a 12-step program or some shit. Real Fathers™ never shirk.  Well, we do but when we do, we do it with style and panache and you can kiss our asses because we still rule so hard.

Contrary to the popular and contemporary press on fatherdom, I believe that the modern father can both lead through example AND teach via the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do (or did) school.  It’s not necessary to hide everything from your children. It just brands you a liar. You do not have to be a fake ass “saint” in the eyes of your kids to raise bitchin’ kids who don’t think you’re a dick all the time. Because they will think you are a dick sometimes anyway so get over yourselves. And sometimes you need to be just that; a huge, raging dick because that’s what a situation may call for sometime. I do believe very strongly that a balance can be found and maintained without crying yourself to sleep at night.

To reiterate in case you think this is some gooey, new age, liberal-permissive softening of the father take, I do not think good dads need to change a goddamn thing. I’m not changing shit. I do think a lot of men do need to quit second guessing everything and do their jobs. Put the iPhones down, stop trying to dress like a teenager, and please stop shaving your whole bodies.  You’re addicted to vanity and internal deficiencies.

We at MDH are the very best dads through natural selection and stubborn tendencies. We make shit work because we fucking want to. We don’t look to role models other than ourselves. We may sometimes appear to be our wives’ whipping boys but that’s just because we know how to play the game so well. Old school pimp meets new school guru. We don’t care what you think.

So look at this shout-out list, will ya’? Down the hatch to some of my favorite dad homies:

  • Gavin
  • Ben
  • Trace
  • RMOK Mark
  • SD Professor Mark
  • Dougie Fresh
  • Hank
  • S@y
  • Phather-to-be Phil
  • Philly Boy Gabe
  • George W. Bush

You are My Dad Homies and this one goes out to all of yo’ bad asses.  We are the motherfucking deciders.  You’re either with us or you’re with the mopes.  Pick a side and sack up else make me sandwich.

Happy Homies Day, scalawags.

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2 Responses to “Dad Homies Day”

  1. MissCheeVious Says:

    Love this…these are some of my favorite breeders too. They turn shit into sugar…consistently.

  2. Hank « Mydadhomies Says:

    […] but let me be clear (like Obeezy says), Hank is one of the very best fathers I’ve ever known (I’ve mentioned this already). I pay […]

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