Graduation Inflation


I remember when my offspring went to preschool and the spring before her cohort was to depart for kindergarten, like kids do and are legally obliged to do, they held a graduation ceremony.  I remember thinking, how stupid is this?  But I let it slide as cute and stuff, or something.  Moms were crying and dads were taking photos and videos and whatnot.

I knew nothing, don.  Now that my kid’s in second grade, I’m noting that the fifth graders at her school are preparing for graduation.  A full-blown ceremony.  For going to middle school; sixth grade.  And the middle schoolers up the street–eighth graders going to high school–are also preparing for a graduation ceremony.  What the fuck, people?  Why not celebrate breathing?

Our culture has really diluted accomplishment when we hold preschool, elementary, and middle school graduation.  Really?  Shouldn’t we, as a baseline measure, EXPECT students in a modern leadership society to, at least, graduate from high school.  At the very least.  And even then, why celebrate high school graduation like a Sarah Palin nipple slip?  It’s just not that big of a deal.  Let’s not stop the presses for such low-bar accomplishment.  No wonder we have fallen so far behind in western world achievement…we’ve simply given up.  Except for playing video games and eating Doritos®.

Sure a pat on the shoulder is in order for the modest milestones of leaving elementary and middle school as you’re promoted to the next grades.  But a graduation ceremony? For fifth graders.  Drives me nuts.  Let’s celebrate important and meaningful things and by “important things” I don’t mean Glee or American Idol.  See?  We’ve become total mopes.  Wanna know why all the kids act like little entitled crybabies nowadays?  We made them into little entitled crybabies.  You betcha!

Yet another indictment on the American everyone’s-a-winner participant ribbon culture.  No wonder we’re a tea bag socialist Muslim society now.  Oy gevalt, homies!

Maybe I’ll cry when she graduates from Harvard like my boy Adam Wheeler.  Maybe, we’ll see.  Maybe I’ll just give her a pat on the shoulder as I wash trays at the food court at Montgomery mall to pay for it.


2 Responses to “Graduation Inflation”

  1. Jolene Rheault Says:

    I was about to share this post because it is right on the money. Until you used the word tards. Epic fail.

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