Halloween Sucks

by

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Of all the holidays I hate, I hate Halloween the most.  I mean, what happened?  When did it turn into wimpy version of Christmas with all the “ghosting” and “lights” and massive home decorations?  Halloween used to be cool, right?  Ding-dong-ditch.  Egging.  Stealing candy.  Smashing pumpkins before that shit was a band.  Dressing up like women.  When did Halloween fuckin’ sell out?

Now it’s all SafeZone™ parties with a million parents all diluting experiences like anybody has ever in the history of Halloween (ever!) bitten into a motherfucking apple with a razor blade.  No kid’s gonna eat a goddamn apple with all that candy around.  And nobody’s poisoning candy anymore, that’s just lame.  Halloween sucks.  What princess has a flashlight?  Superman don’t need no glow stick for safety?  He’s Superman!  He can fly!!!

Anyway, the kiddo’s all caught up in keeping up with the Jones’ (Silverman’s) and shit so she’s been a huge pain in the ass about “decorating for Halloween, pleeeeease?!”  Whatever.  I’ll play along.

There!  Done.  It’s “spiderwebs” for Halloween.  And it will be “snow” for Christmas.  Done until the new year.  I’ll just replace the “ghost” with the baby “Jesus” or something around Thanksgiving.

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5 Responses to “Halloween Sucks”

  1. drew75 Says:

    Agreed. Black and Orange together blow. It’s like a bad college football scheme. I want Samhain to reunite and lay waste to the new halloween.

  2. Ty Hardaway Says:

    Yeah, black & orange = egads! Especially on horrid halloween mom-sweaters.

  3. The Birthday Loot Grab Extravaganza « Mydadhomies Says:

    […] – This holiday is officially approved sanctioned by the American Dental Association.  When did Easter become the […]

  4. beau Says:

    fuck halloween when they ring my door bell i open the door and start throwing rocks at the kids and their parents and if they get out of line i pull out the mossburg.

  5. Ty Hardaway Says:

    And this one is shaping up to be worse than the last. Fucking gluttonous motherfuckers.

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