One of the number one rules of conversation is: Don’t talk about your kids. Don’t talk about yourself, your job, or your dreams is up there too. However, what if your child was extraordinary? What if what she said actually IS special? Well, in that case you make an exception. I think the rule has just been amended to: YOU shouldn’t talk about YOUR kids.

Here are some unbelievable quotes that came out of her mouth.


1- “My poo isn’t gray. It’s brown like a muddy mountain.” I know this sounds too cute to be true but I think muddy mountain is a Dora reference.


2- “My boogie isn’t green. It’s pink like a ham snadrich.” Her word for sandwich. She also calls animals “amalos” which is too cute to correct.


She’s started noticing her half-eaten food looks like something. When she bit into a cracker recently she pulled back and said, “It looks like a man in a rocking chair” (photo above). The next day she took some bites out of her toast and noticed it looks like a man in a boat. I love reminding her of shit like this. Not sure why. Maybe I want to tell her which things hit the cute button so she does more of them. Maybe it’s because I think these observations are artistic and I want her to be an artist so she can live out my unfulfilled dreams.

So I go, “Remember today when you said your toast looks like a man in a boat?” And she says, “Rocking chair.” “What?” I ask. “She’s chewing her food and staring at me but she’s not in her booster seat so her chin is below the edge of the table. She looks like a Kilroy Was Here and the fact that she’s trying to be tough is too much. “It was a rocking chair” she says matter of factly. She seems annoyed so I can’t resist feigning indignance. “NO! It was a man in a boat. YESTERDAY was a rocking chair.” Then she comes out with the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.

3- She says, “Oh, is that how it goes?” like she finally understands who’s boss. I say “Yes” very confidently. Then she snaps, “No! It doesn’t go like that! It was a rocking chair!”

I fucking scream-laughed so loud it scared her. Can you get over that bait and switch? She lured me in and then hit me with a one-two punch. If that isn’t going down in the National Cute Archives then I’ll be a nephew’s uncle and if you can do cuter than any of these, I’ll pay you $9.


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