It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere

by

Bea

When I was in my twenties the average non-work day went something like this: Wake-up around noon, throw eggs at my hangover, do nothing for a couple hours then start drinking at about four.

But now I am in charge of a living breathing alarm clock who is hard wired to wake me up at 6:30 am no matter what went on the night before. This means that everything has been pushed ahead by at least six hours. Consequently by the time Beatrice takes her first nap (9:30 am until about 11:00 am) I feel like I’ve been awake long enough to crack a Coors Light. It’s actually hard to wait until a reasonable time of the afternoon before having a drink.

Okay so that’s the morning. Now onto the evening. I still go out once an a while but not nearly as much as I used to. I also go to bed earlier on nights that I stay in. This means last call has been moved ahead by about four hours. So basically if you keep an aspect of your nighttime social life alive you end up adding about 12 extra hours of drinking to your weekend.

I think this is why fathers become alcoholics. Not because they hate their lives but because their internal Miller Time clock never resets.

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One Response to “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere”

  1. ty Says:

    Mine learned “beer me” at three and was so happy to do it. Now she can us a church key like a pro.

    Not all fathers become alcoholics. Some become dope fiends.

    Oh, and fuck if mine (7) doesn’t still wake the fuck up at 6:30. Weekends and holidays too. I can’t wait for her teen years to get some pay back.

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