MAKING BABIES

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(This is me if I waited as long as you)

Very few of the guys at my wedding are married or have kids. They think marriage is a sexless shithole and kids are a pain in the ass so they’ve decided to wait. Some things to consider.

1-    In a study called Our Sexuality by Crooks and Bauer they discovered it’s actually a myth married couples don’t fornicate. What happens is, they stop fucking when there’s babies and toddlers around because they’re exhausted. Once the kids start playing independently and going to pre-K however, the sex comes back with a vengeance. We hear about the drought more than anything because that’s when people whine the most.

2-   Raising kids is a young man’s game. Not only is it physically demanding; It’s emotionally draining too. This is a fun workout at 30 but when you get into your 40s, it’s bordering on self-abuse. When I was 18 my dad could kick my ass and that kept me out of trouble. Can you beat up an 18 year-old you at 60? Do you really want to be 70 at your daughter’s wedding?

3-    Old sperm has been linked to autism.

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2 Responses to “MAKING BABIES”

  1. dooflop Says:

    #2 = True. Having a second baby at 34 is much harder than I remember with the first one at 28. And it’s a good baby too, so it’s definitely getting harder as you’re getting older.

  2. spleazeball Says:

    #1 and #2 – in making a point of the exhaustion with infants/toddlers, you’re right on target. A friend of mine once said, when his kid was 14, that he still remembered vividly the period of time when his child was between 21 and 24 months old. He classified them as “the worst months of my entire life.”

    I am going through that phase with my kid now, and I think of his words often.

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