10 REASONS NOT TO GO ON A DISNEY CRUISE

by

Online reviews for Disney Cruises read like effusive testimonials from someone who has been healed by the Lord’s power. But after returning from the Disney Magic cruise with my wife, two-year-old son, and four-year-old daughter, I feel more sickened than healed. It’s been four days since we came back and the trauma is only now starting to wear off. Here’s why it sucked…

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1. MIDDLE-CLASS PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

I’m covered in tattoos, so I get it if Middle Americans are weird around me, but outside of some slightly Chinky eyes, my wife looks like any other Madison mom. We dressed very square and approached the trip with a positive, pro-social attitude, but the other passengers treated us like circus freaks in Nazi uniforms.

Here’s a typical exchange: My wife was ordering a drink at the poolside bar and the woman next to her had just procured a margarita. “Oh, a marg!” my wife said cheerily. “That looks like a good idea. I’ll have the same.” The woman looked at my wife blankly, picked up her drink, and walked away. This happened regularly. People weren’t mean or grumpy, they just didn’t know what to say because they live in suburban seclusion and rarely interact with strangers. They didn’t merely not talk to us. They didn’t talk to anybody. Hey lady, how about, “It’s 5PM somewhere” or “The kids drove me to it” or a million other silly quips that my wife’s comment invited? How about simply a nod and a smile?

It wasn’t unusual to say, “Hey, how you doing?” when sitting down next to someone and getting zero response in return. Eventually, my wife and I got in the habit of saying, “All righty then” after every catatonic response.

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2. THE BOOZE PRICES ARE RAPE

We boarded on Saturday afternoon and on Tuesday I checked our room’s balance sheet. I assumed the decimal place had scooched over to the right when they told me I owed the company store $972! “What?” my wife screamed, grabbing the bill and discovering half of it was our bar tab, “I didn’t even get a buzz.” Most of the drinks were around $8, but a nice glass of wine or an after-dinner liqueur was more likely to be around $20.

We booked early, so the price of the whole cruise for our four-person family was about $4,000, a quarter of what it was for people who waited until a month or less before sailing. This bill added another grand to our total in the first three days! It could have even paid for another person’s cruise.

I tried to email some friends about this, but the Internet costs a dollar a minute. I waited in line to complain and overheard the woman in front of me trying to understand why she was charged a $15 corking fee every time she brought the $50 bottle of wine she’d purchased from them back to dinner. “I’ve spent more than half the price of the bottle on fees,” she said. As she left I tapped her on the shoulder and said, “You’re right” and she angrily said, “I know I’m right.” This was one of the few pleasant exchanges I had with another passenger.

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3. IT’S JAM-PACKED

The pools have to be small because a big pool would become a big wave when the boat rocks back and forth—which it does, a lot. The result is over 2,000 people clamoring around the one kiddie pool trying to grab one of the hundred deck chairs that surround it. By midday each pool is so packed they look like bags of Licorice Allsorts. The one hot tub on the boat is so jammed with people and steam, you expect to see a cannibal with a bone through his nose smacking his lips in anticipation.

If you don’t have a spot by 8:30 AM, your only hope is a deck chair up top, where the wind is strong enough to blow an apple out of your hand. We spent the first day there and it almost made me bald.

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4. THE DISNEY CHARACTERS ARE CELEBRITIES

I had a pipe dream about making mini-movies where I take each character literally. I’d ask Cinderella for stain-removing tips because she’d done housework most of her life. I’d commiserate with Sleeping Beauty about those stupid bitches who blew her 16-year curse because they couldn’t keep their wands in their pants during the final hours. I’d complain that a man who has devoted his life to kidnapping children and robbing boats—Captain Hook—is on the payroll at all.

What I didn’t know is every character is mobbed like Jay-Z and Beyoncé wandering through an all-black high school. They each have handlers and if you want to have your picture taken with them or get their autograph (yes, the children have autograph books) you had better be prepared to spend a half-hour waiting in a huge line. Once you get your picture done, simply go to the photo store and buy it for only $20. You can get a really nice frame for $100. If you aren’t into prints, why not get all your pics from the trip put on a CD for a trifling $400?

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5. THE STAFF IS ANNOYING

Disney’s Human Resources Department seems to model the cruises’ staff around a theme of “It’s a small world after all.” The waiters are from Turkey, the maids from Thailand, the doormen from Serbia, and the porters from St. Vincent. This seems like a nice idea and it’s a good counter to Walt’s embarrassing quote that hiring blacks would “have spoiled the illusion at Disneyland,” but it’s also depressing.

They’re so obsequious and insincere you feel like a robber baron who has offered to pull some lady’s kids out of poverty if she convincingly pretends to adore you for a week.

I spoke to some off-duty staffers from Scotland (one of the only countries with a GDP over $100M whose citizens I saw employed on the boat) at the bar. They had nicknamed the cruise “Boat Jail” and said they were expected to work at least 70 hours a week. We were out at sea amid maritime lawlessness, which may have explained all the Third World staffers better than any small-world utopian vision. Walt always hated the unions.

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6. THESE BOATS ARE GIANT LAMENESS MAGNETS

One of the reasons the people we met were so dull is the cruise attracts the lamest of the lame by its very nature. We only stopped three times and it seemed like half the passengers didn’t even get off. The few that disembarked barely made it past the Disney-owned jewelry shops at port.

Our first stop was St. Maarten, and we leapt off the boat the second it hit the dock. A taxi brought us to a fantastic kid-friendly beach called Le Galion and we spent the day windsurfing, drinking cheap beer, and devouring delicious hamburgers as the kids built sandcastles with gigantic smiles on their faces. Everyone there was sociable and funny despite having to master three languages and a half-dozen different cultures. Leaving them behind and going back to Mickey’s Boat felt like heading to the Jacob Javits Center for an Angry In-Laws Convention.

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7. THE BOAT ROCKS AROUND THE CLOCK

Anyone who thinks an 83,000-ton boat is too big to rock hasn’t seen King Neptune’s muscles. Walking around this overpriced Marriott of the Sea took a good two days getting used to, and it takes just as long to figure out the street isn’t moving when you get back on terra firma.

To sleep, I pretended I was a tycoon nestled in the cabin of my private jet and it was a particularly turbulent flight. I found out later my wife was convincing herself she was a baby being swung back and forth in a giant cradle.

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8. IT’S NOT FOR KIDS

The boats provide no private babysitters and anyone under four simply doesn’t belong there. My wife and I only got one date where we could be alone together; otherwise, one of us would wander alone around empty, overpriced bars while the other quietly watched limited television back in the cabin as the kids slept.

I guess if your kids were 8 and 11, this might still work for you. You can give them a key to the room and they go to various workshops and clubhouses and even labs and then you meet them at dinner later to discuss your very separate days. This sounds great if you love sunbathing and hate your offspring, but who likes skin cancer that much, and are there still sixth-graders who give a shit about Mickey Mouse?

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9. THE FOOD SUCKS

We tried hard to keep things cheery and never let the kids know this wasn’t our cup of tea, but when it came time to eat, we couldn’t help frowning.

You can’t be too snobby about food when kids are involved, and it’s hard for the chef to feel inspired when half the dishes he makes are “yucky” no matter what.

But watching the kids eat hot dogs every day and cheese pizza every night gets depressing. The food feels like a fancy night at Denny’s. The Third World waiters seem to be following strict orders to waste dumpsters full of food. They don’t act satisfied until every person at the table has plates piled to the ceiling.

When we told one waiter our kids could share one of Mickey’s gigantic breakfast trays, he acted as if we’d told him to walk the plank. When I ordered a simple bowl of corn flakes he almost grabbed a pirate sword and committed hara-kiri there at our table. Sorry, Souch-Pak-Ma, but I don’t get a decadent rush from throwing food in the garbage. Oh, and can you leave, please? I’m not interested in quirky banter for the entire duration of our meal and it’s none of your business what my hobbies are (actual question).

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10. FUCK WALT DISNEY

Yeah, you heard me. Fuck him and the mustache he rode in on. Some bitter faux-aristocrat cartoonist with a Europe fetish gets obsessed with a bunch of depressing fables from hundreds of years ago and we have to buy his merch for the next few hundred years? All the women in his stories sound like something out of a George Eliot novel. If they’re not physically abused they’re locked in a castle somewhere because they’re too pretty or their fathers were rich and the odds are very high they’re going to die.

I’ll take an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba over some bitch who murders children because she wasn’t invited to a party. What were we thinking?

I’ll give the cruise this much: The shows were great. They managed to find comedians who could make both my daughter and me laugh, which I didn’t think was possible. The Peter Pan musical looks like everything Broadway’s Spider-Man is trying to achieve, and thePirate Party ends with everyone dancing on the top deck with July 4th-quality fireworks. Those were fun, but that’s twenty minutes a day. What do you do with the other 1,420?

If you’re an unadventurous, antisocial, sexless Christian…if you love sunbathing but hate swimming and don’t really care what you eat…if you’re a wealthy teetotaler with kids between eight and twelve…if you’re all these things combined, you might enjoy yourself.

Otherwise, to get the Disney experience, just aim a leaf-blower at your bank account while staring at pictures of fat people.

PS: Check out my fucking bill. The top red line is for two beers and a Maker’s rocks. The second one is for three Maker’s and the last one is from ONE glass of wine. There are no prices on the menu so you ask for a glass of wine and they bring you a Chateau de Trop Cher from 1436.

34 Responses to “10 REASONS NOT TO GO ON A DISNEY CRUISE”

  1. ty Says:

    Yeah, what were you thinking? I figured you were taking this cruise in all irony, to mock those from small town, insular America.

    But I give you props for seeing how this really worked. To see how the people really were. And to mingle with people you wouldn’t have otherwise mingled with.

    I think I can relate because I keep being put into situation where I’m The Black Guy. My small talk fails so hard even though I articulate like I’m from Ankeny.

    Walt Disney was a perv who wanted to get jollies by watching children giggle. The Walt Disney Company and Affiliated Companies [http://corporate.disney.go.com/] ain’t fucking around when it comes to making money.

  2. maja Says:

    Crikey!

  3. Gabe Says:

    First, incredible post. Thank you for giving me 10 reasons to reason with my unreasonable wife, who for some reason, thinks a Disney cruise is an acceptable way to spend hard-earned dollars in exchange for memorable family fun.

    Second, I didn’t have a better place to share this with the MyDadHomies community, so I’m throwing this in here: http://www.theawl.com/2011/04/let-them-eat-baby-the-terrifying-new-practice-of-the-cake-gender-reveal

    Oddly, these are related. The second smacks of the same insanity as the first. The lack of attention to what’s good and real that pervades American suburban life: attention to useless details that will ultimately only further pigeon-hole people into smaller and smaller holes.

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but the only reason it would be truly useful to know the gender of a child is a) you’re a farmer and could use an extra set of strong hands to guide the plow, b) you were limited to a single child, and that child just HAD to be fe/male, c) you are the Tsar of Russia and you need a goddamn heir already.

    The need to purchase appropriately-colored nursery furniture and baby shower gifts is just plain double-F-fuckin’ stupid.

  4. Gavin Says:

    I have had some fancy pants meals in my day but the Disney Cruise is the only time I paid THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A GODDAMN GLASS OF MOTHERFUCKING WINE!!!!!!

  5. JS Says:

    funny post, I hate pretty much anything disney related, even disneyland which has gotten me in some arguments before. the misogyny and racism were unnecessary and not funny or cute tho.

  6. Chad Says:

    My family had a great time on our disney cruise. If this is your only cruise experience, I’d like to point out that excluding #4 and #10, everything you’ve said applies to any cruise.

    I thought the food was quite good. We all loved the private island. Drinks were obviously horribly expensive, but again, that goes for any cruise. There is in fact free babysitting, we checked our kids into the kids camp nearly all day because that’s all they wanted to do. There is also an adults only pool, bar and spa were we hung out with no kids around (the adults only pool was never crowded).

    My only real complaint about the cruise, and this applies to other cruises, is that I felt bad for the staff who are paid rather poorly and had to work long hours with few days off kissing the ass of well off middle class folks. I found the way some other people on the ship treated these ‘foreigners’ was just horrible and full of ignorance. While I did enjoy talking to our servers over the week, I still felt a bit of guilt. However it also seemed to me that the staff was much more sincere and put on less of a fake show once they got the feeling that you were not an ass and were sincerely interested in their lives, home countries and the difficulty of their work.

    • Kaylan Says:

      You don’t have to be a foreigner to be treated like dirt by the rich middle class (yeah, I know many aren’t rich-rich but if you have an SUV or two cars, go on vacation every year and have a huge flat-screen tv, your not poor). You just have to work at a local drugstore, dept store, or chain restaurant to be treated like a slave (by both boss and customer). Trust me, any minimum wage worker in America knows a lot about degrading treatment. I tell kids today they HAVE to go to college and get that professional career unless you want to be treated like the bottom of the barrel the rest of your life.

  7. tk Says:

    Nice work is it a coincidence that there is an ad for Disney cruise lines at the top of your post…?

  8. SeaPuppy Says:

    In regards to criticism #7. What did you expect. You’re at sea, it’s gonna move. Just imagine if it didn’t have stabilizers.

    #’s 4 and 10 I guess is Disney specific.

  9. E Says:

    Can’t write proper journalistic articles? Write a list!

  10. Eric Says:

    Retitle the article “10 Reasons Not To Go On Any Cruise.” Nearly every item you’ve listed applies to every cruise-line in existence: crowded, overpriced, and staffed by employees from the developing world.

  11. Ray Says:

    Great stuff! I’m glad I’m not the only one who had this kind of experience in the “happiest place on earth”.

  12. jojo Says:

    http://www.cruiselawnews.com/2010/04/articles/worst-cruise-line-in-the-world/top-10-reasons-not-to-cruise/

    look up this article and you’ll never want to cruise again.

  13. Maria Says:

    Next time you should try the VERY economical Costa Cruise. Plenty of water around you can swim in.

  14. Billy Yu Says:

    I have been on 4 Disney cruises and my family and I loved them all. We were on 2 other cruises with other cruise lines and they were not as good as Disney, IMO. As other commentors have said, most of your complaints are the same with all cruises.

  15. Caper Incident Says:

    I understand your point of view, but a lot of the complaints could have been avoided (the numbers will correlate to your numbers for easy comparison).
    1. Yes, people suck. Finding an american stranger that would like an actual conversation is hard to do. Definitely not going to happen around the pool or anything, but the bars are a good place to meet people, especially the low key non-pretentious ones.

    2. Everybody above 21 can bring a 9x14x21 bag full of alcohol on board. That is a lot of wine or hard stuff. $20 corking fee at a restaurant sucks, but brings the cost of good bottles to way lower than you would ever pay for in any decent restaurant (or drink it in your room for free). The say you can’t drink your own on deck, but they never say anything unless you bring the actual bottle with you. Bar prices are cheaper than bar prices in NYC, so for me it’s a discount. It’s a matter of perspective here.

    3. I agree. But, chairs are not allowed to be reserved on Disney cruises and staff members actively remove items designed to “reserve” the chairs. Finding a couple of chairs takes a few minutes, but is always possible. Groups larger than 2, probably not unless all you want to do is sit on your stupid chair from morning ’till night. The adults only lounge areas are way less crowded. I also noticed that just getting in the hot tub (adults only section) that has a group in it will encourage the group to disperse more quickly. You almost always get some quiet time if you just go for it and deal with the crowd for a few minutes.

    4. It’s a Disney cruise; filled to the hilt with kids. Sorry man, but a leisurely talk with a Disney character was never an option. You can take you own photos for free (other people will always take your picture with your camera if you ask). I would never in a million years pay the kind of money they want for the pictures. In their defense, the prices are pretty much the going rate for all cruise lines. The character breakfast gets you some personal time with them without having to wait in line.

    5. Sorry you felt this way. I did not have that experience at all. All I got was smiles and all and the best conversations I had on the cruise was with a bartender at the cigar bar and he was from Polynesia. The cleaning and room service staff were friendly, but kept their distance. It’s a 5-star hotel approach (smile, give good service, don’t ever bother the guests), so they are supposed to be sort of unnoticeable.

    6. What you did in St. Maarten is what I do on every cruise. Never pay for the overpriced and usually stupid excursions and never go visit the shop section. Learn a bit about the area your going to and do what you want. If it’s Prince Edward Island, then find the best oyster bar and try every type of oyster they have. If it’s Grand Caymen, get a taxi to a full service beach and have drinks delivered to your cabana. Disney cruise is still a cruise ship. They’re going to use the same excursion packages as all other cruise lines that port in the same places.

    7. It’s a boat. It’s going to rock. That is an inevitable part of being on a cruise. If it really bothers you, then cruises are not for you. I would suggest an all-inclusive resort in Barbados as a better option for you. For me, I find the rocking noticeable for the first few hours and then I can’t really tell that it’s moving unless I stop and think about it hard. I don’t get seasick like others do, though.

    8. There is a nursery for ages 3 months to 3 years at $6.00 per hour. Ages 3 and up has two large areas on the ship dedicated to them exclusively. There is all day (up to midnight each night) supervised activities and games. Older kids have lounge areas exclusive to them, as well. I don’t understand why you are complaining about this one. You don’t have to see your kids from morning until midnight if you don’t want to. If you absolutely must have private daycare, then bring a teenage son or daughter (one that is really trusted, of course) from one of your friends to watch your kids for a defined number of hours each day (you get to choose the times for each day). A free cruise for 4-6 hours of daycare a day is something all teenagers will jump at. That leaves half the day for them to do what they want. I know several people who have done this. You can assign nap times, leave them at the pool, … whatever. No cruise on the planet that I know of offers private daycare.

    9. I disagree. The food is not bad. I’m a serious food person, so I won’t go as far as to say the food is worth the premium paid for it. But, this is not small table private dining style. It’s catering food, where hundreds of people are being served at once. That means warming trays and quality sacrifices. Ask any chef and they’ll agree that catering means compromise. Disney does a really good job of trying to compromise as little as they can. For $20 per person, upgrade to Palo and get a really good meal for the price (because now you’re sitting in a small restaurant that is serving a lot less people). Or go even better and get a great meal at Remy’s. Also, your kids are allowed to eat anything they want. My 4 year old daughter always chooses off the adult menu, the kids menu is only brought to the table for the coloring activities. If your watching them eat chicken fingers or mac and cheese every night, it’s because you’re letting them eat it. Don’t blame the cruise line for that. One thing I do is have the waiter bring an extra plate and portion the sizes for my daughter appropriately. Our server caught on by day 2 and had the meals proportioned for her ahead of time from then on.

    10. It sounds like you hate Disney films and Disney philosophy. Why did you bother to book a cruise with Disney then? But anyways, this was mostly complaining about alcohol again. There is no possible way that $135 was spend on two beers and a glass of whiskey. Something is wrong with your statement or they billed you wrong. Good deals can easily be found: For $20 bucks you can buy a refillable 20 oz. beer mug that allows you to buy refills at $5.69 each. At 20 oz., that’s cheaper than my local pub. Ask for the drink of the day at the bar to be served in a regular cup and you are charged $4.54. Your average mixed or neat hard liquor drink is $6-9 dollars. If your drinking 20 yr. old port or ordering Glen Livet 18 yr., then expect $20 prices like any other restaurant. Again you can bring your own alcohol on board. Most restaurants charge about 2-3 times the price of a bottle’s cost for home consumption. So, buying a cheap bottle on the cruise is the most economical. Otherwise, bring your favorite vintage bottle on board and pay the $20 to have it opened at your table. That can save you literally $100 or more for good bottles.

    Somebody is going to complain about my post. Whatever makes you feel better. What I’m trying to get at is that a lot of it is a matter of perspective and that pre-planning really pays off. A lot of the complaints could have been avoided. If you are the type of person that has a hard time letting go and going with the flow, then a Disney cruise is going to seem like an overpriced personal hell. But, I find the experience is well worth the money and a google search easily shows that I am hardly alone in this opinion. Just know that cruises are not for everybody.

  16. Kate Says:

    You should of just let your wife take the kids. She is probably more into spending time with them than you are. You would of done better, just staying home alone and watching t.v. I hate to sound rude, but one day it will hit you that you may of put yourself above your kids. But by then, they’ll be raised and gone. Being a parent, usually means thinking of the kids first.

  17. Hannah Says:

    Thanks for giving me ten reasons to tell my friend why her and her family shouldn’t waste their time, and that the cruises I went on are obviously better.

  18. Matt Says:

    Wow, I am usually with you on this stuff, but the Disney Cruise was awesome! I agree there are MANY lame people, and they work their people hardcore (AS ALL CRUISE LINES DO), but I never had a problem finding a pool to swim in. I never noticed the sway of the boat as it depends on the weather. The food was AMAZING… but I definitely agree that the charges they come up with are very often complete bullshit. You just need to be aware of it all the time. Me, I had a gift basket sent to my room before we sailed with a huge bottle of tequila. 5 days and I drank it all and never bought a ship-board drink. :)

  19. Angela Says:

    Just got back from a week on the Disney Wonder. Your blog perfectly describes our experience. I love it. I’m also stuck on the couch because my body is still rocking and the horrible food is still poisoning me. Thank you for the laugh :)

  20. Kev Says:

    Hi Gavin
    Very, very funny article.
    I guess for Disney, there’s no such thing as bad publicity though.
    It just makes me want to go even more just to see for myself!

    Can’t wait for your next travel report!! :-)

  21. Silvoni Says:

    This proved to be a thorough explanation of why I should not waste my $. I really appreciate it and I’m sorry you wasted your money but I’m sure it was an experience to remember. You guys sound like fun too bad I wasn’t on the cruise with you guys!!!

  22. JJ Says:

    Thanks for being an Asshole, dickhead! congratulations!

  23. AKJ Says:

    My family and I have taken multiple Disney cruises. We all enjoyed the cruises and the cast members were always friendly and pleasant. Drinks on any cruise are expensive and only true alcoholics would complain of thousand dollar bar tabs when not getting a buzz. You don’t need to get drunk when on a family vacation. We did excursions at the different ports and we did shop in those ports. FYI the stores are not Disney owned on the islands unless it was at Castaway Cay. Get yor facts straight before mouthing off. If I was your wife I would divorce yor ass for that Chink Eye comment take all you money and the kids and enjoy another Disney Cruise without your ignorant pompous ass!

  24. Bri Says:

    Ok listen up.

    First of all, so sorry it was packed on the cruise. -.- What do you expect? These are BIG cruises. The Disney Fantasy is a 1,115 ft cruise that holds 4,000 people. It cost more than 1.8 billion to make just the Fantasy. Need I say more?

    Second, the pools really aren’t that bad, and you can’t stop the boat rocking back and forth. It’s not bad unless you get sick VERY easily. If you do, get some Dramamine. it really helps. Sorry, but you can’t complain about the waves to make them stop. That’s not how it works.

    Third, the Disney characters are celebrities… hmm that kind of makes sense because it is a Disney Cruise ship which makes the target passengers families with children from a few months to 17 years old OR families that DON’T complain *cough cough*. Also, there’s not a problem that children can love their favorite characters and ask for autographs or pictures. Sue them.

    Fourth, you must have done something to the staff to think that they’re annoying. Almost always are they the most kind people that can help you on the cruise. I had two waitresses named Amy and Shenah and they were the sweetest people. They talked to the kids and they were very friendly people. Those were two of the hundreds of staff that are glad to help you. It’s not annoying, it’s called cheerful. Look it up. They have to be cheerful, they can’t just be boring and go, “Hey, yeah you’re on a cruise. Yeah, welcome. Hooray”. They are supposed to be happy and joyful. It brings a good mood!

    Fifth, I dont think it’s the boat that’s giant and, how you use the word, a lameless (by the way you might want to look that up because lameless means crippled) magnet.

    Sixth, once again, the boat DOES rock. Take some medicine, suck it up, and stop acting like a child.

    Seventh, if you found someone that loved you and you actually had small kids, then there is a small daycare called It’s a Small World Nursery. It’s made for kids around that age.

    Eighth, you must be on a different cruise because on the Disney cruises, they do have some fried foods, but there are also other great restaurants with delicious food such as Animator’s Palate or Enchanted Garden.

    So you can go to St. Maarten, buy some cheap alcohol, and watch Yo Gabba Gabba and have a great time, just dont go complaining about how hot the sun is or about how the earth is round. just don’t go blogging about it again. Please.

  25. Hunter Says:

    I would hate to be you. Not for your cruise experience. I would just hate to be you.

  26. Amy Says:

    By the looks of your bill, seems like you have a drinking problem. If you wanted someone to babysit for you, you should have left your kids at home.
    Walt Disney is awesome!

  27. GavinMcinnesIsGay Says:

    Your a fucking IDIOT, and so all are you other trolls who expect that because of your stupidity you paid more than most did, Caper Incident is right not bad for what you pay for, I travel on it around May, 4 people for 4 days for $2k, plus meals, drinks, snacks, shows..you can’t beat it. Your the kind of low life I would not want to speak to myself at the bar, could definitely tell from your classy appearance. And $139 for 2 beer and a makers mark? yeah that might be the lie you told your wife, but you drank and signed for wayy more than that.. Do us all a favor, stay your jacklegged ass home, and learn how to write a Proper blog someone might want to follow dumbass chapass bitch

  28. Gavin'saracistdumbass Says:

    I understand the author has this bitter tone for some sort of enlightened and humorous banter, mocking what many see as some sort of utopian farce out at sea. But my money is on the fact that the tat covered man is an angry dude to begin with. Save your kids from becoming pessimistic down trodden citizens and divorce your wife and get a dog and air headed girlfriend. You may actually smile. By the way I read your article on diversity and you have the gall to use chinky eyes? Seriously? I smell a closet racists. Wonder what klan chapter you’re a part of. Thanks for excluding Disney from your family plans. It’ll just make mine that much more enjoyable.

  29. ahmadacoolduda Says:

    hi,

    thanks for the very insightful truth. I found to be very useful. I may reconsider going on the Disney Land Cruise. We are planning it rite and I just stumbled onto here. It a good eye opener.

    cheers

  30. Mary Says:

    Disney is the only cruise line I know of that lets you bring your own liquor on board. We just returned from a Disney cruise and I took two bottles of wine onboard with me (I’m not a big drinker) and enjoyed all the wine I wanted for about $10 (I’m also not a big spender on liquor or a big spender period,because I don’t have big bucks to spend). I must admit that I did have a couple of “drinks of the day” which on the Disney ship were about $4 while on Royal Caribbean they were about $12. Most of the mixed drinks I had were in the atrium after dinner one night, though, where they passed them out for free. Spending $400 on liquor as you did seems completely unnecessary.

    We thought the food on the ship was good in general. Some was better than others, but none of it was inedible. We are not connoisseurs of anything really, as we are not rich snobs, so maybe it was our middle-middle class tastes made the food taste pretty darn good to us. It was at least as good or better than anything we had on RCI. We have taken five Disney cruises, and have never found the staff to be anything but completely pleasant, friendly and helpful in getting us everything we wanted, and sometimes we wanted quite a lot. We have not had that kind of service on other cruise lines, although we were not unhappy with the service we received on RCI. As for your other comments, as some of the other responses here have said, many of your complaints are true of all cruise lines, so blaming Disney because you weren’t happy with cruising in general is probably not reasonable. It is unfortunate that you had such a bad time, but my suggestion for you is to not go on any more cruises on any cruise line, because you will likely be just as grumpy and just as unhappy. In the few occasional trashing reviews of DCL that I have read, it is generally the people who write the reviews that sound like rich snobs to me, expecting more than ordinary special treatment and grumbling when they don’t get it. I think think your review can be probably be added to that list.

  31. brittany Says:

    Wow. Tell us how you really feel. Hahaha. I will admit I’m pretty shocked about the review. I had a blast. Our server was from trinadad and said she worked 4 months a year so she could live the rest of the year at home on what she made working. She said she thought it was fun other than the assholes that sometimes cruised. Walt was a rich white man in the 1960s so what do you expect? Seriously? He was a smart business man who made movies into a family event.
    You want to complain about prices but wake up man, you went on a cruise. How about a little research before hand and save yourself some money? Unhappy at the pool then go do one of the other 100 things on the ship. You spend $4k and go swimming at a pool?
    You complian about the people not talking enough but I had a great time talking to complete strangers about all sorts of interesting things. Maybe the fact that you hate disney, drink a lot and found a flaw with everything makes you a less desirable person to be around. Passive aggressive people don’t make the best conversationalists.
    Lastly, I don’t drink the kool aid, I know what I’m getting into when doing a disney vacation. SO I plan, a lot of planning, to make it smooth, budget for the expense, keep my political views in check and just enjoy my damn life watching my kids delight in the new things and familliar faces they enjoy so much. (my kids ate off the adult menu at dinner every night and didn’t have one hot dog)
    People will always find a reason to hate this or that but I had a great time because I choose to have a great time. It’s cliche, but true. We make our own happiness for christ’s sake, get over yourself man.

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